20 Things I learned in 2020

It has been one hell of a year. Since March, it’s felt as though we’re living in some weird fever dream of the apocalypse with snippets of a new normal popping up amidst waves of uncertainty and fear and so much loss. I know I’m not the only one who has felt the weight of these dark times. While there have certainly been moments of hope and light and laughter which I am so grateful for, I have found myself struggling to keep my head above the water this year as plans have gone awry, dreams lost, hearts broken, anxiety heightened, and worry a constant presence. I have found myself broken and crying on the floor more times than ever before in my life and it’s becoming harder and harder to pick up the pieces to try to put everything back together.

I’m trying to hold onto hope that one day things will be anything resembling the past where there is no fear in going out and seeing a friend, no need to mask up everywhere, to be able to eat in restaurants in person (which I haven’t done since February), to go swimming in a pool again, to dance with strangers, and do so many of the things that were taken away from all of us this year. I wish I could say that this future is possible with more certainty, as vaccines start spreading across the world there is a light, but right now we are still deep in dark times where numbers of infected and counts of the dead are higher than they have ever been before.

It blows my mind that people are treating this virus like it is nothing, a joke, a hoax. As I returned to South Dakota for winter break I was aghast to see hardly anyone wearing masks in the streets as I drove though town. There are hardly any regulations in the state right now, as opposed to my college town in Vermont where the week before thanksgiving the governor banned multi household gatherings (with the exception of a distanced, masked, outside walk with one other person) in an attempt to lower numbers. This meant for the last few weeks of school I was barely able to see any of my friends, in or outside, as we struggled through exams and virtually bid each other adieu until the spring.

This year has been…sigh. There are too many tumultuous emotions to describe how 2020 has been. I half thought about changing this post to 20 things I learned after 20 COVID tests, but I just took my 21st test so there goes that. Anyways, I did some reflecting and tried to think of some epithets about things I’ve either learned or understood more deeply this year. Let me know if any of these resonate with you.

1. Life is hard

2. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong

3. Things build up and crash down in waves

4. This has been a year of collective loss and sorrow

5. Sometimes we have bad days or weeks or months

6. Everyone is dealing with their own sh**

7. Environment can really effect your attitude, mental, and physical health

8. Mental health is as important as physical

9. Growth is a spiral

10. Not being at your best is okay

11. You are not defined by numbers or checked boxes

12. Talking helps, whether it’s just to yourself, to a friend, to a therapist, to a wall

13. Routines help but spontaneity adds a spark to life

14. Hugs are lovely

15. Lake jumps are always a good idea

16. Friends are a blessing

17. Laughter is healing

18. Connection is so valuable- to yourself, to nature, to friends, to family, to the community, and to the world as a whole

19. Small wins are important, set mini goals and know you’re stronger than you think

20. Hope. You need to hold onto hope.

Here’s hoping that 2021 will bring us closer together rather than further apart.