Stuck in a State of In-betweens

I'm stuck in a state of in-betweens

Longing for the past highs

Trying to forget all the lows

Knowing that both are essential

To appreciate the other

Bringing hope-

-and apprehension

For the future

I'm stuck in a state of in-betweens

The space between where I am

And where I want to be

Struggling to find purpose

To define what success is

To feel like what I'm doing-

-and who I am

Matters

I'm stuck in a state of in-betweens

A state of fear and longing

I want to dress up and go out

To dance until I'm dizzy

Laugh until I can't breathe

To fall in love with

people

places

experiences

Trying to hold onto past joys-

-and not get trapped

In expectations that the future will be the same

I'm stuck in a state of in-betweens

Of aching for connection

Thankful all I have

Yet wanting more

I wish you could hear me

When my thoughts are screaming out loud

Saying too much-

-and not enough

Should I stay or should I go?

I'm stuck in a state of in-betweens

Happiness tucked into a cup of coffee

Found under pillows

During movie nights on the couch

Sadness and fear

In times of calm

When my brain starts spiraling

About all the unknowns-

-and knowns

That scare me

I'm stuck in a state of in-betweens

The world is half-open, half-closed

As summer approaches

Some people stay in

Others dare to leave and explore

A weird mix of FOMO-

-and fear of what will happen

If I venture out

I'm stuck in a state of in-betweens

Looking for a way

To close the space

Between where I am

And where I want to be

And not loose myself in the process