The Body Issues: Trigger Warning

I wrote a post a few weeks ago opening up about my history with an eating disorder and I've decided to turn "The Body Issues" into a series talking about all things related to body image, mental health, well-being, beauty standards, and my recovery process in general. Let me know in the comments what some things you think would be interesting to read/talk about, I'm always open to hearing others stories and experiences!

Today we're diving into one of the key things I've been trying to pay attention to during my recovery process: things that trigger the eating disorder (ED) mindset. In this post I'd like to discuss what are triggers? How they impact you, how to recognize them, some of mine, and how to deal with them. Before we get into this, I'd like to put out a "trigger warning" as many of the things I discuss may potentially impact others who have gone through disordered relationships with food or their bodies. If this bothers you, please just skip reading this post and head over to the archives for something more light-hearted. And if you need help, don't be afraid to reach out to someone to get it. You are worth it.

So...what are triggers? According to Mental Health.net, "triggers are external events or circumstances that may produce very uncomfortable emotional or psychiatric symptoms, such as anxiety, panic, discouragement, despair, or negative self-talk." If you're triggered by something, it can be a lot easier to slip back into old habits or 'relapse' to previous, unhealthy behaviors. Triggers can range in strength and effect, it also often depends on the circumstances on whether something may or may not trigger you. Personally, when I'm tired or stressed it's a lot easier to be triggered by small things that send my mind spiraling either into anxiety or having the ED voice chime in and encourage negative behaviors.

Triggers can escalate an already poor situation, or come out of the blue and turn what was a positive streak into a downward spiral. You can start to recognize your triggers by noting your emotions throughout the day and what sparked each of them. Some triggers can be positive, like talking with a friend can trigger endorphins from laughing. Others triggers, and most of what I try to notice as triggers, spark negative emotions. For example, comments on body-image can send me into a spiral of comparison, which leads to discontent with my own body and the desire to change it, which is often expressed in controlling the amount of food I eat or how much I exercise.

Some of mine triggers (for the ED specifically) include:

--Looking into the mirror or photos and not seeing what I expect or want, like feeling to wide or thick around my abdomen. Some people are triggered by bad skin conditions or even a bad hair day.

--Bloating is one of the worst ones for me. Anytime I feel uncomfortable in my body I want that feeling to go away--fast--and for some reason my brain thinks eating less or exercising more is the best way to do that. (It's not by the way, exercising can sometimes accelerate bloating, and if you're on your period there's only so much you can do to try to reduce bloating.)

--Comparing myself to others is one of the least noticeable and controllable ones for me...it can be anything from thinking that I exercised less than someone else or ate more food than they did, that I'm not as fit as them, or pretty, or sociable/popular, or successful...this is true for anxiety as well as the ED voice.

--Negative talk about body image immediately spirals me back towards my ED days, I start thinking about all the thoughts I used to and can't always separate the past from the present and end up trapped in that mindset of feeling bad about myself and my body.

--Calorie counting, tracking sugar or anything with numbers really makes it so easy to slip into the mindset of "calories in/out", "control everything", "don't eat too much", and so on. So yeah, we try not to do that anymore.

--Being forced or encouraged to eat foods I don't want too can lead me to spiral as well. I try to follow a mix of intuitive eating and a personalized meal plan from a nutritionist, and when I feel pressured to eat things I don't really want I being doubting my choices or get stressed or anxious about what I'm eating which doesn't end well. Desserts are often the big one, since I'm not a huge sweets person. I love dark chocolate and most cookies, but am really not a fan of most ice-creams and don't like most cakes (sorry, sue me if you want but I can make one hell of an apple crisp that I'd take over a chocolate cake any day).

Now the big question: how to deal with your triggers? This is something I'm still trying to get through, but here are a few things I've found helpful.

First off: recognize them! Notice what situations or words/thoughts trigger negative thoughts and do your best to avoid those situations. Talk to the people you're close with about avoiding hurtful or triggering language like talk about 'health foods', calorie counting, body image, or whatever it is that affects you.

Sometimes I find it helps to understand the science behind things, like how mirrors and photos can be distorted by lens shape or imperfections within the glass, which can warp the image you see.

Having positive mantras like "My body is strong", "my body gets me where I need to go", "I need to fuel my body if I want to feel good", "any food is better for you than no food", "you are more than your body", "you are beautiful, (even if you don't feel like it right now)", "you are kind, compassionate, ____" fill in whatever makes you fell good.

Even on days when you don't necessarily feel on the top of your game, be grateful for what you do have and the small wins. Don't be disheartened if you start to spiral or relapse, that's not the end. Bouncing back from that is a win. Whether it's a complete 180 or just a small step in the right direction, any forwards movement is progress.

Believe in yourself. You can do it.

I hope this post was insight for some people out there. If you're comfortable sharing, let me know in the comments what some of your triggers or tools to combat them are. And please share this post with anyone you think it would benefit.

Wishing you well,

An Adventurous Aquarius