Seasons of Heartache

Okay, this may sound a bit melodramatic (which I try to avoid), but ever since Valentines’ Day I’ve been in a bit of a mood. Fortunately or unfortunately, poetry is my go-to outlet when I’m feeling like a whirlwind is trapped inside me. Something about putting emotions into words in a way that doesn’t have to make sense (much like my confusing feelings) is calming to me. Basically this poem is about how much my heart has fluctuated during the last year since quarantine began in late March and I found myself suddenly single. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being single and I consider myself a strong, independent women who doesn’t need anyone to complete her. I also believe that platonic/familial relationships are equally or more important than romantic ones.

Yet there’s something wonderful about being connected with another human being on another level and in this new world of distance I miss being able to hold someone else’s hand. So this poem is about those feelings of longing and confusion during a search for love in a time of worry and sadness. I apologize if this content is what you consider ‘cringe-worthy’ or doesn’t appeal to you, but for those of you who can relate, I hope I’m able to capture some of those feelings in the following lines.

Also slight disclaimer: if you notice some similarities between verses in my poems and song lyrics it’s probably because I’ve been listening to “Falling (Adrenaline)” by Why Don’t We, “2/14” by the Band CAMINO, and “Mr Loverman” by Ricky Montgomery way too much lately.

A year of discovery

A year of trials

A year of challenging who I was

And trying to find out who I am

A year of wanting

A year of longing

A year of never knowing what comes next

Waiting for an answer

We’ve been running around for so long

In and out of each others lives

I can’t help but noticing you from the sidelines

Wrong place, wrong time

When wandering paths cross

In the calm of winter snow

Talking and laughing and hiking together

Finding warmth in the cold

You bring me wine and chocolates

Making me second guess myself

Are we just friends?

I can’t deny

I’ve got your green eyes in the back of my mind

I’ve got your heart on my mind

What if we cross that line?

I just want to fall in love tonight

Something about you

Makes me feel reckless

I’m not scared

I’ll jump if you want to

Feel the rush of adrenaline

Let’s just fall in love for the hell of it

We never knew until now

That we could be together

Wrong place, wrong time

When something starts to bloom

As spring starts to trickle in

Talking and laughing and cooking together

When I’m around you

I feel heard

And I hear you

I can’t deny

I’ve got your sea blue eyes in the back of my mind

I’ve got your heart on my mind

Something about you

Makes me feel centered

I’m not scared

I’ll jump if you want to

Feel the rush of adrenaline

Let’s just fall in love for the hell of it

We met a year ago

I was drawn to your smile, your laugh

Wrong place, wrong time

When bicycle wheels align

Under the blazing summer sun

Talking and laughing and exploring together

When I’m around you

I feel in it my bones

Adventure is calling

You inspire me constantly

I can’t deny

I’ve got your amber eyes in the back of my mind

I’ve got your heart on my mind

Something about you

Makes me feel stronger

When we’re together

I’m not scared

I’ll jump if you want to

Feel the rush of adrenaline

Let’s just fall in love for the hell of it

We hardly see each other anymore

I know you love another

Wrong place, wrong time

Yet on that one early autumn night

I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like

To taste the sangria off your lips

Talking and laughing and dancing together

When I’m around you

I can’t stop feeling everything

You amplify all of my emotions

I can’t deny

I’ve got your hazel eyes in the back of my mind

I’ve got your heart on my mind

Something about you

Makes me feel daring

I’m not scared

I’ll jump if you want to

Feel the rush of adrenaline

Let’s just fall in love for the hell of it

My heart is torn a million different ways

Lonely hearts aching for love

Wrong place, wrong time

I just want to fall in love tonight

I just want to spend time with you

I just want to dance in the moonlight

Kiss under the stars

Let’s just fall in love for the hell of it

What do you say?

Can we try just for today?