The Best Laid Plans...

...of mice and men gang aft agley, as my Scottish relatives often said and then proceed to tell me that it’s better to expect the worst so you can either say “Oh, great-I was right!” or “Oh-great! This is much more pleasant than predicted”. Meanwhile my Norwegian relatives are dancing in a sunny field happily while a thunderstorm looms in the corner, and when it starts to rain they try to focus on the rainbow at the end of the storm.

Even though I try to maintain a balance of these two philosophies (expect the worst and try to find the silver lining); it doesn’t always make the hard times easier.

I was going to write a spooky post this week in celebration of All Hallows’ Eve and Halloween, but honestly one of the things that scares me the most is not ghosts or demons, but a loss of control.

I like planning. Making lists, sending invites, crossing off to-dos, looking way into the future (hello potential grad school, apartment with a husky mix, traveling the world, midlife opening a cafe or bakery, retiring in France...). Yet lately all that’s been happening is plans being laid and destroyed, tentatively penciled in then furiously erased, it’s as though everything is crumbling to pieces around me...and inside.

My heart has ached so much this year for all things lost. Lives, loves, plans, hopes. Not just for me, but for everyone who has dreams and goals that were not able to come to fruition this year. College experiences messed up, jobs lost, living situations turned on their heads, study abroad or any form of travel cancelled. So many missed opportunities in the land of opportunities. What is this world coming to?

Sometimes I wonder if life would be better in a fictional realm, or what would life be like if all the costumes we don on Halloween were reality?

As a witch...

Let me cast spells to change my fate and fly away from all of my problems on a broomstick into the night. Plus a black cat as a partner in crime? Yes please! Mixing potions with the herbs growing on the widowsill, be careful not to accidentally drop some in the warm squash soup cooking on the stove.

As a damsel in distress...

Put me up in a tower with a dragon anyday, I’m sure the view’s much better. Maybe together we can fend off all the knights that try to save what can’t be saved.

As a mummy...

Wrap me up in cloth and jewels, like a pretty package. I feel trapped anyway, why not add more layers to suffocate me further?

As a werewolf...

Howling through the night, running, chasing, searching for prey. Teeth glare in the moonlight, bared in anger and frustration with the hunt. The elusive goal always on the edge of sight and always getting away...

As a pirate...

Let me sashay into your life, a swashbuckling madam. Putting up all the appearances till everyone believes that I am in control. I man this ship of my life, struggling through rough waters, breathing in the salt of the sea, travelling far and wide.

All the characters we emulte, the masks we put on (figuratively and literally now), the different sides of ourselves we show depending on who we’re with or what we’re doing...are we always living life in some sort of disguise? To whom are we completely authentic to? For me, sometimes the answer isn’t even to myself. It can be so easy to act the part, and so hard to speak the truth.

One truth is there are a lot of scary things in this world that are not made up. Loss. Rejection. Death. Homelessness. Illness. Loneliness. Taxes. Noticing pantry moths and their larva in your brown rice.

Regardless of what your fears are, or how realistic they are (taxes-unfortunately yes, getting chased by a werewolf howling bloody murder-hopefully not), you can‘t live your life in fear.

Yes, things will go wrong. Yes, life may not be the grand ball game you think it will be. Yes, things will get messy and there will probably be screaming and tears and frustration. But there will also be laughter and hugs and friendship and relief.

Rule number one of horror movies: Never go off in the woods alone.

You can certainly go off on your own path, in fact it’s encouraged to do so. Make your own way, don’t follow in someone’s footprints because the path is easier. Follow if you‘re inspired, but go off the beaten path if you want to change your course.

Just remember throughout your journey to have a partner at your back. Whether friend or family or lover, having support throughout these times is the best way to get through everything. A horror movie can turn into a comedy when you have the right group of people to watch it with. Hopefully your Halloween will feature more friendly ghosts this year.