The Comparison Trap

Do you feel like you‘re living your best life? Really? How about when you go onto social media and start seeing what other people are up to? Are you doing as much as them? Do you have your life figured out? How’s that plan going? What about the map society has laid down for you to follow? Are you on track? No, not only that—are you excelling? Are you number one? How can you improve? If you can’t be the best at least best yourself. What else can you do? How much more can you add to your already busy schedule? If you don’t have a busy schedule are you just being lazy?

We have so many pressures and expectations put on us as indiviuals to constantly be growing, working, making money, improving, making connections, networking, getting one more step ahead...it never ends. This may not be true for other cultures but in America there is this constant feeling of being pushed to one-up each other, to be at the top, the whole cycle of “bigger, better, or bust” which to be frank is not sustainable and I honestly hate how much I have internalized these ideals of constant productivity and achievement. Is it not enough just to exist?

Apparently not. We are urged to be better, do more, work harder, whatever you can think of. And it doesn’t stop there. No, you’re supposed to be number one, to excel above the rest. It’s as if we can’t all just get along and celebrate each other’s success we must also tear each other down to get ahead. B***S***.

The worst part is that these ideas spread to basically every aspect of life.

In school you’re expected to get straight A’s, be apart of clubs, go to college, even get a masters or go further and get a PhD or doctorate in some circumstances. There is still some stigma surrounding taking a gap year or not going to college at all. What happens when you get low or failing grades? If you don’t participate in extracurriculars? If you don’t graduate with honors?

Yet when we‘re constantly doing more more more we don’t have enough time to allow our brains to digest everything we’re learning and process everything else that’s happening during these very transformative years of our lives. This overstimulation can often lead to failing grades or maybe you can do the work correctly but will immediately start forgetting material as soon as its no longer relevant to get that ”A”. So much of the schooling process in America focuses on learning via memorization which often results in students loosing all the knowledge within months when they don’t apply it or continue to attempt to memorize all of the information. Sure there are hands on processes, but unfortunately a lot of focus is put on following steps A B and C to get result D and if you take a different route or get the wrong answer, points are often reduced.

In the workforce, even when in college, there’s a pressure to be working 40 or so hours and its considered normal to work above and beyond those allotted times. There’s been a fluctuation of people rejecting the “9-5” work life, with an increase of social media and ”influencer” jobs becoming available with the rise of the internet. Now in America there seems to be a weird mix of pressure to go into a “stable” or high paying job and work your way up the corporate ladder while also a peer-pressure or similar stigma against though more stable 9-5 jobs. Are you doing what you love? Are you making enough money? Does your career have a future?

Hobbies are now no longer hobbies but another way to monetize your life. Turn that love of crocheting into a side hustle that could become a full on business. Oh wait you have a free weekend? Why not spend it working? What are you doing in your free time? Hobbies? How good are your skills? Are you a pro? Should you even be ”wasting” your time on that? Everything is supposed to be “productive” or “earning” something whether it be for monetary gain, personal improvement, or just one other thing to put yourself a step above the rest. What happened to doing things just for the enjoyment of it? For curiosity? Pleasure? Play? What happened to just doing nothing to have the pleasure of doing nothing?

Even with socialization people are expected to perform to a certain level whether by seeing a certain amount of people and don’t even get me started about all of the pressure to be in a relationship and dating in general or getting married by a certain time or having children and the list goes on and on and on. In recent years theres’ been a rise in hookup culture and the urge to go out and have sex—often with complete strangers. There’s still weird stimgas around when its appropriate to loose your virginity and what counts and so much of that is messed up and news flash it doesn’t actually matter unless you make it matter.

Not to mention the social requirements to “be in the loop” via social media or knowing the gossip in town by meeting up with others or listening in to conversations. You’re expected to constantly be meeting new people and networking or “getting out there”. There even seems to be a standard for going out so many nights a week or making sure you see a certain number of people. Espeically in college when you’re supposed to “be living the best years your life”. Which I honeslty hope isn’t true, I like to imagine that any stage in my life could be the best possible moment I could have. This conflict over the idealized “living your dream life” is heightened by the comparison trap thanks to social media platforms like instagram where you can see the constant highlight reel of other peoples lives in 2D color.

These comparisons can also be super triggering for disordered thought patterns whether that be depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addictive tendencies, and more.

Health and fitness posts or trackers are especially prone to leading people into comparisons traps. Whether this is by looking at other people’s distances, times, challenge or technicality of a workout, how someone works out, if they have fitness buddies or are part of a team or club, if they are going on solo trips to epic places, and the list goes on and on and on. Even if you try to stick to only looking at your own workouts, you can still get caught up in this performance comparsion cycle and start feeling bad about yourself if you didn’t run the same number of miles as last week or are a lot slower than you used to be.

You can literally compare any aspect of yourself to someone else. Your skills. Your looks. Your personality. Your habits. What you do as a workout or how often. What you’re reading or watching versus what someone else is doing. How often are you on your phone? What are you doing? How much time are you spending socializing? How much are you working? How much money are you making? How much are you spending and what on? Who’s doing it “right”?

The key fact that many people forget is WE ARE ALL UNIQUE. We are different people with different needs, desires, capabilities, and our capacities to do work or be available emotionally, mentally, and physically change day by day or even hour to hour.

A few shifts I’ve been noticing recently is the rise in younger people ”romanticizing“ there lives and living life like they are the “main character” in a book, movie, etc. These trends make the mundane tasks of grocery shopping, cleaning, learning, going for a walk, relaxing with a book, going for a drive, etc all seem more pleasurable and important. I actually really like this trend, as I‘m someone who believes some of the most beautiful parts of life are not the grand moments like graduating college or winning a race or getting married (which are all incredible don’t get me wrong) but more of the simple every day things like the way light fliters though the trees or hearing a friends laugh or that fist sip of coffee in the morning at the start of a new day.

There are many more aspects of these comparisons traps that I could ramble about, but this article is getting long enough so I’ll end it here and save you from reading my rants any further. I am curious though, do you agree with any of my though patterns? Have you felt yourself sucked into a comparison trap in one or more aspects of your life? How do you combat those feelings? (Please share I need some advice). What aspects of your life are you the most proud of? Do you ever feel yourself fearing being left out of a situation or that you are missing out on some key aspects of life? Or are you content with your choices? Willing to go with the flow and bounce back from changes in plans and setbacks?

I hope so. Best of luck to everyone and I hope you all are living your “main character” story.