there aren’t enough hours in the day

If I could have a mundane superpower it would be really convient to not need to sleep. Honestly any super power related to being int able to control time or go back in time would be very helpful, from Hermoine Granger’s timeturner to Dr. Strange’s mystical abilities.

Even though I’ve now graduated, I feel as though life has been as busy as ever, just in a different way. Form working 40 hrs a week and socializing most of free hours to make the most of my remaining time in Vermont there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything.There’s a million things I want to do and not enough time to do them all. Between work, fun, friends, trying to be creative, maintain a healthy lifestyle, be productive, and all of the regular everyday life to do’s that I forget needs to be done until the task comes knocking (or barreling) into my door.

Outside of regular work I’ve been trying to work towards my year reading goal, listening to podcasts, or just chatting with friends and being present. I’m trying to maintain a pretty good routine with work and fitness—but not everything has been going to plan especially with how erratic the weather in Vermont can be. There’s been a lot of days where its been not snowy enough to ski but too nasty to enjoy running. Plus when you don’t have a gym membership or a lot of money to spend in general it’s hard to go to the pool or gym for crosstraining.

Anyways, outside of that I haven’t been up to much. I’m honestly missing the school environment a bit and how it forces me to expand my mind, read and research topics I wouldn’t (or would) normally gravitate towards, and really push my creative abilities and technique or skills. I’m still trying to find purpose in life and work towards larger life goals. I’m very excited for field work this summer and my first year of grad school starting this fall.

During all of the ups downs peace and choas, I’m trying to embrace being present and enjoying whatever’s happening currently and not getting too caught up in the past or the future. While I struggle with “La dolce farniete” a.k.a. the sweetness of doing nothing and I still find it hard to just exist but at least if I can walk or have dinner and chat with another person I find it easier to enjoy my time off. Just reading a book is also a nice diversion for my introverted side. Or going on a long walk in the woods.

I will say I am very ready for winter to be over, for my truck to be fully functional, to clean up every loose end in my life, be social, creative, have a consistent running routine, and to start work for the summer. Lofty goals.

I’ve talked about it before, but I think I’ve been engrained by our capitalist society to want to be constantly productive - 24/7 no breaks even in sleep, or lack thereof. Unfortunately that means if I’m not constantly doing something then my self worth plunges down. Even if I’m doing something and it’s not fitting into my designated timeline or meeting the goals/marks I set for my self then I get caught up in my head about it.

Recently I’ve realized that I hate feeling trapped, which may be why I hate sitting or staying in one place for too long and have mixed feelings about roadtrips and airplanes since I dislike the passive action but enjoy going to new places and exploring.

Sigh. But those will both be topics for another date, this lil’ post was just to check in and explain why I’ve been so absent lately as I haven’t been prioritizing my creative side. Even though very few people read this blog, I write more for creativity, reflection, and as time capsule for my future self.

Anyways, hope you’re well wherever you are.